The Dead Sloth

As probably anyone that plays games regularly knows, the big companies want us to get physical. Microsoft has Kinect and Sony has Move. To be brutally honest though, so far, I have no interest in either one of them. Yet. And, before I go on, I must also say that I've had no experience with either one of them. Yet. With Kinect in particular, this appears to be an important point. I've read lots of stories saying you have to actually play that to know what it's about and to be able to fully appreciate it for what it is. Which makes sense, I suppose. Still, uninformed and inexperienced as I am, I look at Kinect as a fancy version of the PlayStation's Eyetoy. I'm not biased though, because in the same line I see Sony's Move as a fancy version of Nintendo's Wii. To me, at this point, both systems suffer from a high level of 'Me-Too'. You know, both companies looked at the ginormous wads of cash Nintendo was and still is raking in, and they wanted a piece of the pie. And hey, who can blame them, eh? I certainly won't.

Now, a couple of days ago, it came to my attention that there will be another Steel Battalion, and it is to be a Kinect game. At this point in time, I think this is a very bad idea. And I'll even go one further, too! Obviously, with Kinect, Microsoft is aiming squarely at the casual gamer. At the same time though, they don't want to alienate the hardcore segment of their market. And so, they take popular franchises and shoehorn the Kinect-functionality in. Which is nothing new at all, since a lot of third-party developers have been doing exactly that with many of their Wii games. And I'm pretty sure the same thing will happen with Move. Get that moving about crap in there, whether its fitting or not. And still people wonder why the Wii isn't doing well with the hardcore gamers.

The first Steel Battalion was a bit of a special game, for one particular reason. And because of that very reason, I feel like there aren't too many people who know what kind of game it is, exactly. Which I will now explain, of course.
Simply put, SB was a mech game. The twist though, and at the same time its main selling point, was the huge-ass controller that came with it. And yes, I still have that lying around at my place. It was expensive as hell, (there's that particular reason right there) but one look at the whole setup sold me. I HAD to have it! The idea behind the whole thing of course, was to make you feel like you were actually piloting a mech, or indeed, a Vertical Tank, as I believe they were called. And guess what? It worked! The controller was your dashboard, and like a car, the very first thing you had to do was start your VT. No! Sorry, actually that was the second thing! First, you had to close the canopy! The mech couldn't be started, otherwise. Safety first, eh? And yes, there was a separate button for that.

Such a shame then, that the actual game was a bit of a disappointment in more ways than one. I remember that it wasn't too spectacular in the graphics department, for example. But that wasn't the main problem. The main problem was, and I'm sort of ashamed to admit it, but for me, it was too hard. And continuing from that, it was also very, very unforgiving. I guess they wanted to make it as realistic as possible or something, I don't know. You see, when you died, you were dead. No continues, no extra lives, no nothing. Too bad, you died, start over. And here's the kicker: you had to start over from the very beginning, because when you died, your savegame was deleted. Make it all the way to level nine and then die? Too bad, start over. Unless of course, you managed to hit the Eject Button right before your VT was about to explode! An eject button, with a plastic cover on it you had to flip back. So cool...
But what then, I was never quick enough? Quick enough, yes. Rich enough, no. Sure you ejected, and so you lived, but your VT got wasted, remember? Yeah, so go buy a new one, and continue your mission! That might have worked, but because the game was so hard and unforgiving, I never made it past level 2, which meant I had nowhere near enough cash to be able to afford a new VT. Such a shame indeed. Because despite all of this, I think, deep down, it was a good game, you know? Just too hard, for me. Oh well. The controller still rocks!

Anyway! Back to the issue at hand! Steel Battalion for Kinect. Well, actually, my point is simple: I don't see how moving your body around in thin air can make you feel like you're actually piloting a mech! Again, I haven't played any Kinect games yet; I'm basing this opinion (prejudice?) on what I think playing SB would be like with an Eyetoy. And I'm doing that, because I'm thinking, well, sure Kinect has this technology that apparently scans your whole body, and it knows exactly what your position is and everything, but really, how much different from an Eyetoy can it be? I mean, basically, the concept is the same, right? Play games by moving your body, arms and legs. A great concept, that works great with sports games, maybe even fighting games if done well. But Steel Battalion? Sorry, I just don't see that working. I mean, it'll probably work, sure, but it won't feel right, I think. And again, I'm not biased, I don't think it would feel right with Move either. Some games just need to be played with a controller. You know, just like RTS games are best played on the pc. Sure, they work on consoles, but they don't feel right.
I'm wondering though, suddenly. Would SB actually work? I mean, assuming it has an FPS kind of control scheme? Use your left hand for moving, your right for aiming... shoot by nodding your head? Or maybe use your foot for moving, applying the throttle, like in the original. Your right hand for aiming and your left for shooting? And shooting how, by constantly waving your shooting hand around? Hmm... I don't know, I just don't see it happening for me.

But! I don't want this entry to be all negative! Like I already said in the opening paragraph, I have no interest in either one of them yet. Indeed, yet! As in, that might change! Also, right now, I think I'll get Move first because of two games: Time Crisis and Dead Space 2. The first is obvious I'd say, the second maybe less so. Indeed, I do think I'll play the actual Dead Space 2 using my trusty controller. I don't know, maybe it won't even work with Move. However, I've read that it will come with a beefed up version of Dead Space Extraction as a bonus! You know, the one that came out on the Wii, and is supposedly pretty damn good? Better graphics, trophies... I'm there! Ooh, I'm such a trophy-slut as well as an achievement-whore! I mean, if Extraction is so good, why didn't I get it on my Wii? Why didn't I get Super Mario Galaxy 2 yet? Or Metroid Other M? Or Deadly Creatures? (Ooh, Deadly Creatures HD for Move?) Shame on me, I know. How dare I call myself a gamer, eh? I try to hide behind the excuse of all the games I still need to play and still am playing on my 360 and my PS3. But if I'm honest with myself, I know that won't fly; had any of these games been on either one of these systems, I probably would have finished them already.
So far though, I'm sort of sad to say, I haven't seen anything interesting for Kinect yet. Again, I'm not saying I'll never get it. Because I do consider myself a gamer and hey, if they come up with something that does interest me, sure, I'll buy it right away, no problem. It will have to be something pretty fucking good though! Because, um... well, in the end, I'm still a lazy bastard and about as physically fit as a dead sloth. Sitting on my couch waving my arms around is about as far as I'm willing and able to go, is all I'm saying. Of course I'm exaggerating a bit here, but if Kinect games really are as physical as they seem to me, I don't know, it just really might be too much for me. I mean, when I play a game, I don't just play for an hour or something. Five or six hours is more likely and really, standing up and jumping about for five hours? I don't think so. But, who knows, maybe I really am prejudiced, and maybe Kinect really is fun and different and new. At any rate, I'll definitely keep my eye on both systems.
I'm not bashing, merely being very critical.
And yes, as you might have guessed, that's where this entry ends! Until the next one, stay safe and game on!